My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
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So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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