So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
