don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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