First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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