your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
