and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
