i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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