I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
