My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
