Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
