I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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