I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My sheets look like a crime scene.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
