I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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