Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
