i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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