It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
