I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Pants are for mortals
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
