pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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