FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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