fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
