do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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