His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
