I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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