a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.