My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Green mimosas i think yes
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.