After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.