yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.