He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
