Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
