My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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