I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
