I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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