Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.