there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
don't judge my taste in strippers
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.