I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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