Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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