You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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