Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
