There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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