sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
