There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
