I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
