sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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