Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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