I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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