Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize