Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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