i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
