She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
