Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
