Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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