I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
