WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
