im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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