New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
