That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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