Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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