I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
