can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
