I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
