I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize