A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
