I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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