how can u be prego again
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
