Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
