worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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