Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
