I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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