Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize