i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
