Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
