Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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